The Chat/Spam Thread

[yoco]

lol, I was thinking the same thing

[Master Razor]

I'm affraid your going to start calling me Obi-Wan. I am piratemeister's mentor.

[anon]

Hi, is there any bug with the "new posts" function in the forum? Or is my memory failing me? Because I have the impression that whenever I hit that button and open any of the single listed threads, it points me to a 'new' post of that thread way beyond the last one I remember having seen the last time.

New posts older than two weeks are "forgotten", so if you haven't visited in that long, that would be the cause.

[anon]

so anon's real name is luke...

...cue in some serious star wars music

Apparently Luke is an Irish name, so I will neither confirm nor deny that

[SomeGuy]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucky_Luke

[alpacino]

New posts older than two weeks are "forgotten", so if you haven't visited in that long, that would be the cause.

Thanks for the info, I had no idea.

[hellman]

I'm his father

judging by your IQ , i doubt that.. We demand a DNA test

[slikrapid]

judging by your IQ , i doubt that.. We demand a DNA test

sometimes the apple does fall far from the tree

on the other hand, how can you make vader, i mean father, comply with a dna test, without getting, say, choked to death?

[anon]

Racial prejudices sometimes make us see things that aren't there. I'm sure someone has told you about how dangerous it is to travel to the United States, where there are more guns than fingers to pull the triggers, and you risk having some street gang lynch you and strip you of your stuff for the mere fact of having invaded their turf.

Of course, things aren't as drastic as they may seem, but people's imagination is always two steps ahead of reality and four times as exaggerated, so don't get hysterical without a reason.

Here's a story that circulated as legit in Latin America for a season; as all urban legends, it happened to the wife of an acquaintance's coworker and a friend of hers:

Two middle-aged women, quite corny and scare-prone, decide to visit Miami on a pleasure trip. They're the typical fifty-something rich ladies that go on a trip to avoid having to deal with their husbands, whom in turn are free to make love to their lady friends who are also staying. Of course, their intention to get in bed with the first beach boy they can find is similar, so everyone's happy.

Before they part, someone tells them that in the USA those who look bad mean bad, blacks usually rob tourists, and it's best not to show any resistance because given the slightest difficulty they will shoot you and you could wind up in a tragedy.

They happily arrive to their five-star hotel in Miami. But one day, when they're getting on the elevator, two black males also enter: one tall and muscular, the other also tall but thinner. Scared to death and crying, they drop their jewelry on the floor and run away as soon as the elevator stops, as the thinner man shouted something at them in English (a language they couldn't understand, hence why they chose Miami, the city with the biggest Spanish-speaking population in the United States).

The following day, when they go down to the lobby (through the staircase this time), they find a box with their jewelry and a note, which the receptionist translates for them: "I'd never laughed so much in my life. Regards, Michael Jordan".

[Master Razor]

[slikrapid]

a story that circulated as legit in Latin America for a season

someone actually believed such invented stories? the writer(s) didn't even try to make it sound believable... or did they? (cue in some tunes from a 'scary movie' about urban legends)

[anon]

These e-mail hoaxes were dime-a-dozen in the early 00s. As obviously fake as some of them were, when each click can resend them to a hundred people, some are bound to believe them. You probably remember Bonsai Kitten, Pepsi Twist poisoning people to death, that Windows 98 executable with a teddy bear icon which allegedly was a super-virus and had to be deleted immediately (I fell for it!), etc.

If you've ever heard that we swallow X spiders while asleep in our lifetimes, that was completely and deliberately made up, just to see how eager people were to believe a random piece of apparently legitimate information. It spread like wildfire and still shows up on "random fact lists" to this day.

As we approach the end of another month, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST ALSO SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains and rust.

I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face when I stir in my sugar... disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise. And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my ass.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a quarter dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over...

I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . . .

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

PS: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that the bacteria splashes over 15 ft. out of the toilet.

[anon]

I have a union meeting and a birthday party tomorrow, let's see if I survive

[Master Razor]

Is it your birthday?

[yoco]

Every few days I get a AVG pop out window in firefox to buy their shit. I don't have anything installed anymore. Anyone knows how to remove this annoying thing?