SIMPLE TASKS |
You make the bed |
+1 |
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows |
0 |
You only straighten the cover over a wrinkled sheet |
-1 |
You go out to buy her maxipads |
+5 |
But come back with beer |
-5 |
You check a strange noise during the night |
0 |
You check a strange noise during the night and it was nothing |
0 |
You check that strange noise and it was something |
+5 |
You hit that something hard |
+10 |
It was her dad |
-10 |
You don't put the toilet seat up |
-5 |
You change the toilet paper roll when it runs out |
0 |
When toilet paper runs out, you turn to Kleenex |
-1 |
When the Kleenex runs out you stealthily go to another bathroom |
-2 |
SOCIAL COMMITMENTS |
You stay by her side during the entire party |
0 |
You stay by her side for a while, then go talk to a drunk friend you know from college |
-2 |
The friend is called Susan |
-4 |
Susan is a dancer |
-6 |
Susan has silicon implants |
-8 |
HER BIRTHDAY |
You take her outside for dinner |
0 |
You take her outside for dinner and it's NOT a bar with TV to watch the game |
+1 |
Well, the bar has TV and there happens to be a game on |
-2 |
And it's all-you-can-eat night |
-3 |
The bar has TV to watch football, it's all-you-can eat night and your face is painted with the colors of your favorite team |
-10 |
CONSIDERATION |
You completely forget her birthday |
-20 |
You forget the anniversary |
-30 |
You forget to pick her up at the train station |
-45 |
Which is in one of the city's worst areas |
-50 |
You forgot to pick her up at the station, she's in a not so friendly place and rain ruined her shoes |
-60 |
A NIGHT OUTSIDE WITH FRIENDS |
You go out with a friend |
-5 |
And your friend is happily married |
-4 |
Or frighteningly single |
-7 |
And that friend drives a last-gen convertible car |
-10 |
With a vanity plate (BUZ-NBED) |
-15 |
You drink a bunch of beers |
-9 |
And return home an hour late |
-12 |
You return home an hour late without having called beforehand |
-20 |
You return at 3am |
-30 |
You return at 3am smelling of liquor and tobacco |
-40 |
And you aren't wearing your pants |
-50 |
Is that a tattoo in your neck? |
-200 |
SHE GOES OUTSIDE FOR THE NIGHT |
You stay at home while she's out with one of her coworkers whom you dislike |
+5 |
She goes out with her stupid coworkers and comes back really late |
+10 |
You await her awake |
+15 |
She goes out, returns really late and drunk, and you help her go to bed |
+20 |
YOU GO OUTSIDE TOGETHER |
You take her to the cinema |
+2 |
To watch a movie she likes |
+4 |
To watch a movie you don't like |
+6 |
To watch a movie you do like |
-2 |
Which is called "Deathcop 3" |
-3 |
And there's a scene with humanoids having sex |
-9 |
You lied to her by saying it was a foreign movie about an orphanage |
-15 |
FLOWERS |
You buy her flowers only when you're supposed to |
0 |
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just because |
+20 |
You take her wild flowers you picked yourself |
+30 |
And she gets an allergy because of those flowers |
-25 |
YOUR PHYSIQUE |
You develop a beer gut |
-15 |
You develop a beer gut and exercise to get rid of it |
+10 |
You develop a beer gut and turn to loose jeans and Hawaiian shirts |
-30 |
You say "I don't give a damn because you're fat too" |
-800 |
FINANCES |
You spend a lot of money on something impractical |
-5 |
Which she cannot use |
-10 |
Like for example a motorized model airplane |
-20 |
And you got her something cheap as a birthday present |
-40 |
DRIVING |
You forget the map when you go on a trip |
-4 |
You forget the map and end up lost |
-10 |
You end up lost in a bad city neighborhood |
-15 |
You end up lost in a bad city neighborhood and have to deal with its inhabitants |
-25 |
You know those people |
-60 |
THE BIG QUESTION |
She asks, "do I look fat"? (Hard questions make you start at a disadvantage...) |
-5 |
You take a little while to reply |
-10 |
You answer, "where?" |
-100 |
COMMUNICATION |
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, with a worried face |
0 |
When she wants to talk, you listen, for more than 30 minutes |
+5 |
You listen for more than 30 minutes without glancing at the TV once in a while |
+15 |
She realizes it's because you feel asleep |
-30 |
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