The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

[Sazzy]

are you saying that it will be replaced with: 'sitting (at home) in line' then?

Yes, but I've got movies and food at home while I F5 ;-)
Previous years I got in on first try though :)

[yoco]

[hellman]

well this trailer looks good ... but i still hate this series

[slikrapid]

ready for some scene by scene fun?

*** spoilers ahead ***

- someone warned the village of the incoming dragon? someone (news?) travels faster than the dragon? someone knows what the dragon's intentions are?
- there seems to be enough time to fill up a large boat with gold but not for others, with way less belongings, to leave the town
- bard has extra sheets in his prison cell (did he behave well?), makes ropes from them in no-time, uses a slow boat to destroy the cell walls, a rowing boat no less!
- bard doesn't know about dragon scales being impervious to ordinary arrows (but his pre-teen kid does!), dragon does not notice the annoying bowman or ignores him
- bard wanted to use an ordinary bow to fire an obviously oversized arrow, then he somehow improvised an impossibly bigger bow by jamming the old broken one into wooden beams with his bare hands (like any human warrior could!), uses a pre-teen shoulder to level the arrow and makes an impossible shot (notice how after the shot it can be seen that the arrow can only be aimed into the ground due to the way the improvised bow was made lol), whereas the supposedly clever dragon does not suspect a thing and dies in an embarrassing way
- and the dead dragon impossibly lands on the boat carrying the gold, mkay? makes a statement about greed though (i wonder if jackson realizes the statement is even valid regarding his own film-making of this trilogy?)
- gandalf was captured because...? oh right, so he can find out precious(!) information & escape - how? with the help of most improbable persons to gather in one place at the same time, the whole scene was filler material (not to mention angry galadriel attack or even weirder: the gandalf & galadriel angle )
- kili & tauriel in an awkward & confused scene and lego'l'ass playing the party-breaker, commanding them around
- alfrid lickspittle (wormtongue related?) arguing over some blanket? and no one teaches him a lesson, yet they all want to mob linch him a few moments after that?
- bard says it himself: that gold is cursed... but we'll take only as much as we need?! lolfail
- dragon sickness made thorin's grandfather mad, yet the dwarfs agreed to accompany him on the quest (to test his madness too?)
- night watch over a group of 100 means 1 individual is watching, usually the most reliable one! (s)pitiful!
- thranduil's moose looked ridiculous, wait 'till you see how its horns were used in battle to make another :facepalm: or two
- 1 wagon to feed 100 people? 1 moose to impress them all (and in intense roflmao's bind them)
- dwarfs want ALL the precious treasure for themselves
- humans want their precious share as well (killing the dragon should get them at least half, no?)
- elves want some treasure too!
- later on gandalf says orc master wants it as well
- and the 5th army? they want the precious gandalf's pat on the back? or is it his corn in the mouth (as vegetarian animals, not what you had in that dirty mind hehe)
- anyone else left wantin'? the movie should have been called: 'middle earth's desire for the precious (gold)'
- mithril for the hobbit but not a single one left for themselves? silly dwarfs... (look what happened to thorin sans mithril later on)
- so orcs are fighters bred for war, yet they are easily killed by ridiculously inexperienced and weak human villagers?
- so they all fear that orcs may rise again but no one thinks of placing outposts, guards, watchers or scouts for early warning of orc activity?
- the shire will fall? no way... not that mighty kingdom
- thousands of gundabad bats attacking? bred for war, but giving us only bread crumbs of their mad war skillz?
- gundabad orcs run towards the battlefield - and when they arrive they will be too tired to fight... tactical fail
- 'anything moves on that mountain... kill it!' - 1 hobbit moved quite obviously but not 1 arrow went his way...
- sorry for releasing myself (hobbit) from your elvish/elven dungeons? lol
- the 'wise' gandalf speaks of 'evil of gold' - when there is no such thing, gold is simply a metal, it is those who desire gold that may become obsessed with it - and if there was no gold around they would surely become obsessed with something else instead - another evil 'thing' to blame?
- alfrid calls bilbo 'stupid hobbit' and no one reacts? not even the bobbit
- thorin making a fool of himself while negotiating with the elves & co. with just about his every word, some king they have spawned... (via peter jackson's incompetence, PJi)
- more stupidity from the orcs who obviously should have waited for the elves/humans & dwarfs to fight each other, then strike and win easily!
- orcs even have all kinds of fighting creatures, yet they know not how to use them - examples: huge stone-crushing earthworms that do absolutely nothing after arriving at the scene, stone throwing giants used to attack the city, yet these stones were ideal to decimate the enemy before even engaging in any hand-to-hand combat - idiotic tactical choices, courtesy of more writer incompetence aka PJi
- cartoonish or silly video-game-like action scenes: bard on a cart ride downhill, with no steering, to kill a big orc who just stands there like a dummy
- how thorin defeats his sickness? by having a vision of drowning in the gold, by thinking about what others said, all the while surrounded by the gold? does this sound like a believable scenario or outcome when fighting an addiction? didn't think so
- giant orcs fall from ordinary arrows, so lame
- mountain goats appear from out of nowhere, with silly video-game jumps to reach the northern mountain peak
- thranduil gives up so easily, doesn't care about his precious treasure anymore?
- tauriel's reasons to stop thranduil from leaving the battlefield are: 'there is no love in you'? he no love dwarvez?
- thranduil knows how tauriel feels better than she does? who writes such idiotic dialogue, PJi?
- fili's off-screen death = lame
- bilbo disables orcs (bred for war, remember?) by throwing stones at them! dat mighty bobbit hand!
- legolas super-elf fighter, tauriel meh elf fighter, tauriel & kili = meh fighter combo (they'd rather just look at each other instead of concentrating on the fight)
- and so PJi breaks tauriel's bones and kills off her love in a lame fighting scene, then makes her try suicide, then lego-lass takes over
- legololls rides bats, jumps almost like spiderman, uses a sword to 'mindcontrol' a huge orc, defies gravity by stepping on falling stones, saves thorin several times, etc. etc. but somehow cannot manage to show that coolness from lotr (must be his thin paycheck or lack of on-screen presence here)
- stone bridges collapse when someone falls on them
- 'its raining bears' and they don't break a bone - eagles & bears scenes lasted only a few seconds (the amount of time given to the 5th army lol), nevermind that, they are probably more interested in gandalf bearing gifts
- silly azog floating under ice scene, even sillier azog breaking through the ice & jumping back on the surface (azog, the icebreaker orc-dolphin?)
- so PJ kills thorin but not before he confesses to bilbo, kinda predictable
- awkward scene between thranduil & legolas (go find your connection to lotr), more awkwardness between thranduil & tauriel (love hurts? yeah, when it is absent or unfulfilled or far away or dead like the kili/fili/milli/vanilli story)
- more serious 'faces' from bilbo says it all - not too satisfied with the outcome, eh, little bobbit?
- nice ending, i mean, copy/paste from lotr & some nice artwork for the credits


moral of the movie: 'if people valued home above gold, this world would be a merrier place'
- in the literal sense: sure, but people would just stay at home and find something else (other than gold) to obsess about
- metaphorically: gold=materialism, home=spiritual human origin, merrier place=filled with happiness (from one's awakening to the truth)
also, dragon sickness=greed/desire/addiction to power/wealth or gold, like in the movie, what is meant by 'kill the dragon' can also be understood as: death of materialism (end of the ouroborus/dragon/snake cycle) or death of one's ego (false self-image)

random leftovers:

bilbo kept making concerned faces, not much acting there
weak dialogue, kings insulting each other, forgetting to honor their promises, as if they forgot about their noble ways, people disrespecting each other, forgetting their rank/status, foolishly jumping to conclusions and so on
overdose of cgi was very noticeable, it seemed to be of a very low quality in many instances
oversized weapons or warrior abilities/strength, never felt right, ended up looking comical