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Eroge rule #1: Imouto (little sisters) are not blood-related.
Eroge rule #2: Characters can change their attitude every second if it leads to sex.
Eroge rule #3: Parents are never in the house.
Eroge rule #4: Miko (shrine maidens) are not virgins, at least, at the end of the game.
Eroge rule #5: Girls can always reach orgasm at the same time as the male even when it hurts.
Eroge rule #6: If a girl has big boobs, she will definitely give you a titty fuck.
Eroge rule #7: If a girl doesn't give you a titty fuck, she is conscious of her small breasts.
Eroge rule #8: There's always a male sidekick. He's either an idiot, or mysterious-speaks-in-riddles.
Eroge rule #9: There is always at least one attractive female character that cannot be cleared.
Eroge rule #10: The main character has gallons of sperm in stock.
Eroge rule #11: Food usually has an important role in the story, yet rarely is used in the sex.
Eroge rule #12: Loli girls are usually magical girls who are over 500 years of age.
Eroge rule #13: Any magical creature's costume design will always be silly.
Eroge rule #14: When characters engage in 69, they always orgasm together.
Eroge rule #15: Laws of physics are not superior to destiny inscripted by the ignorant author.
Eroge rule #16: You always crash into a girl at a corner when you're running.
Eroge rule #17: When you fall, your face usually lands on her crotch.
Eroge rule #18: There's always a childhood friend.
Eroge rule #19: A girl always carries books or papers with her that she'll drop and need your help picking up.
Eroge rule #20: When a girl is bad at cooking, she is baaaaaaaaaaaad.
Eroge rule #21: True ends usually involve either death, or birth.
Eroge rule #22: Sunflowers appear a lot in endings.
Eroge rule #23: Girls are always, always up for something "new".
Eroge rule #24: Somehow, your talk will slip to sex -- after 3 or 4 days of in-game time.
Eroge rule #25: You somehow end up as the chosen one/hero/etc.
Eroge rule #26: You will always accidentally stumble upon the perfect girl. One of the perfect girls.
Eroge rule #27: It is very unlikely for there to be any ugly girls at the school you go to.
Eroge rule #28: It'll always be high school. Where are the college students?
Eroge rule #29: Even if you're a smart and deep thinker, whenever you think you have a choice, you can only think of 3 or less possible turns.
Eroge rule #30: The loli is at least 18, of course.
Eroge rule #31: The more a girl complains about having small breasts, the larger they will be. This is also known as the Lina Inverse Effect.
Eroge rule #32: Twins never have the same hair color.
Eroge rule #33: Even consenting girls will beg you to stop.
Eroge rule #34: You must always rape the maids -- Except in Tsukihime. That's bad.
Eroge rule #35: No means yes. Yes means rape her.
Eroge rule #36: The total weight of everything that makes up a girl is always constant for any particular character. No matter how much they eat they never get fat, and when you undress them the mass of their clothes gets transferred to their breasts.
Eroge rule #37: Everyone is over "18", in multiple grades, and... in High School.
Eroge rule #38: You always get multiple girlfriends.
Eroge rule #39: Magical girls or friends of magical girls will have some yuri (lesbian) tendencies.
Eroge rule #40: There always is an exception.
Eroge rule #41: The characters do NOT go to high school or middle school. It just happens that the school is called blah blah-high or blah blah middle.
Eroge rule #42: the main character does not cut his front hair.
Eroge rule #43: the main character having a face in the CGs is an exception, not the rule.
Eroge rule #44: You have a high chance of running into a female friend if you go out on weekends.
Eroge rule #45: You never partake in classes or every day activities. But you might have to take the occasional test.
Eroge rule #46: Aliens' anatomy will always match humans'.
Eroge rule #47: You want identical? Play August games!
Eroge rule #48: Potentially dangerous places, especially the rooftop of the school, are always accessible. Either the door is broken or you have somehow appropriated the key.
Eroge rule #49: Everyone can speak Japanese. Foreigners, Aliens, you name it.
Eroge rule #50: Your childhood friend is actually your personal servant responsible for making breakfast and lunch for you.
Eroge rule #51: Rarely do characters have the same hair color.
Eroge rule #52: Bathrooms and/or bathhouses are available at any time in the forest, desert, or city. Plus they shall all be equipped with peep holes and broken door locks.
Eroge rule #53: School classes exist for two reasons: To sleep, to talk to girls, and as a spot to determine where you'll spend the rest of the day. As for that being two reasons, check to see where learning math is on the list.
Eroge rule #54: Absolute lines of death exist for living things and nonliving things. However, twinkies are immortal thanks to the cream filling hiding their lines.
Eroge rule #55: Public transportation is free and readily available. However, there is a 86% that either you or a girl your are with will be either molested or raped. This explains the willingness of old Japanese men to fund public transportation.
Eroge rule #56: Your school consists of over 5,000 different rooms with hundreds of different classes. Unfortunately, since you slept through the part of class telling you about these other classes, you can expect to see only this one. And you'll see it a lot.
Eroge rule #57: You're not a morning person. This is reflected in your ability to spend all night wandering around, plus the fact a girl comes to wake you up every morning. However, thanks to a random genetic mutation in your DNA, you have no problem whatsoever waking up on days you have no school.
Eroge rule #58: You always sleep during class.
Eroge rule #59: There is more than 50% chance that your dick (and your body) turn transparent during sex.
Eroge rule #60: It suddenly starts raining when the story reaches a serious or a depressing event.
Eroge rule #61: Most guardians regain their powers naturally. However, yours needs additional help, much like how eventually your car needs more gas from the service station. Just replace car with girl, gas with semen, and service station with church, deserted hut, or doghouse, and you get the idea.
Eroge rule #62: On occasion, you're forced to study for make up exams. This shall always happen at your home, with several girls, and quickly be diverted. And much like Jesus, no matter what you intend to serve your guests, they'll all end up being served sake (rice wine) instead.
Eroge rule #63: On days it rains, you can expect that everyone in the school other than you or a girl you know has remembered to bring an umbrella. The girl with a unnaturally large ribbon in her hair is exempt from this rule however, as it doubles as a poncho.
Eroge rule #64: The only sure things in life are death and taxes. However, at no point do you ever pay taxes, and death is a avoidable option. So instead, the only sure things are sex and/or death, depending on which girl you choose.
Eroge rule #65: Much like the phase babies go through where they put everything in their mouth, you are going through a similar phase. Animal, Plant, or Mineral, it doesn't matter. It can be a mermaid, catgirl, or gender changed individual, and you'll try having sex with it.
Eroge rule #66: Characters always use progressive ellipses ... / ...... / ......... / ............
Eroge rule #67: There is always someone with a speech impediment.. However, unlike the real world with stuttering, speech impediments in eroge are repetitions of things like kyo! or pyu! and indicate the subject should be institutionalized immediately.
Eroge rule #68: English classes are not uncommon in your Japanese class. However, this English is not understandable by native speakers, and usually will be taught by the most shameful teacher in the school. Instead, you end up private tutoring any or all the girls of your choice.
Eroge rule #69: It doesn't matter where your school is, or what type it is. In the desert, or middle of winter. You'll still end up going to the beach, and one girl will be using a school swim suit.
Eroge rule #70: Eroges take girls who play hard to get to new levels. Some girls would rather die than sleep with you. However, this isn't a problem, as chances are you already killed her once earlier, so now she's fair game.
Eroge rule #71: At some point you can expect to fight a girl who is far more skilled than you are. Naturally uncoordinated and untrained, you will be losing badly, right until you rediscover your family's ancient art of the boob grab and butt pat.
Eroge rule #72: Libraries are a important part of your school life. They are where you go to drink coffee or tea while ditching class, plus they are the source of ammo for the girl who chucks books at your head.
Eroge rule #73: You'll never see a condom or a girl with the pill in a eroge. There is a reason for this. Similar to how the US water supply has fluoride added to prevent tooth decay, Japan has the same thing. Except they add contraceptives.
Eroge rule #74: Girls don't get pregnant until they leave for about a year or 2 and then show back up with some brat they claim is yours.
Eroge rule #75: Dental hygiene is a important consideration for the average Japanese schoolgirl. Mouthwash being important, and Listerine hasn't been imported yet, there is an all natural substitute used instead. Your semen.
Eroge rule #76: Children are our future is a truth recognized in Eroge. To be specific, they're your future assuming that 1) You, as a teenager, have sex with the mother, and 2) For various possible reasons, you are either a) in a coma or b) lost/banished for 20 years. At which point you triumphantly return, and promptly have sex with the woman's daughter who has a "unknown" father.
Eroge rule #77: Politeness and etiquette are a important part of Japanese culture. Based off the lessons learned in Eroge, if anyone ever gives you a very nice present, or stays late to help you with your homework, the least you can do is tell them "Arigato Gozaimasu" and give them a blow job.
Eroge rule #78: Amnesia increases your sex appeal 100-fold.
Eroge rule #79: Romance is a large part of a eroge, and the girl often must be in the mood before you can take any action with her. To tell if she's in the mood, just answer the following question: Is she in the room with you?
Eroge rule #80: According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, (Eroge = Mikos*Catgirls^2), time flows differently around black holes and Eroges. This can be demonstrated by the observation that no matter what time you start leaving for school in a Eroge, you will end up having to run to avoid being late.
Eroge rule #81: Eroge's First Law of Gravity was discovered by Sir Isaac Newton. This law states, if you are sitting under a tree and a apple falls nearby, a girl named Eve will come along and trade you sex for the apple.
Eroge rule #82: Both in Eroges and real life, eventually you will come to simple choices that have a profound impact later on.
Eroge rule #83: As soon as your character mentions a long lost friend or family member, he will soon meet that friend in less time that it takes to find your car keys in the morning.
Eroge rule #84: In general, the main character's father will spend about as much time in a Eroge as Paris Hilton does displaying talent in a movie. The character's mother is present based on if she has her own path or not.
Eroge rule #85: After sex, it is common after ejaculation for there to be a refractory period before you can repeat a action. (In this case sex.) This is true in Eroges as well. In Eroges, this period is how long it takes you to click the mouse button.
Eroge rule #86: All games, including Eroges require some certain types of skill. While Long Division and Abstract object analysis are usually not applicable, you can usually achieve great results with Aimless Wandering, and the "Think about What you want to Think About" methods.
Eroge rule #87: In Eroges, minority populations are are slightly less common than the number of hippos seen. However, the population of girls with green red or purple hair will usually range anywhere from 30-80%.
Eroge rule #88: Cooking in Eroge generally has 2 levels: 1) Absolute genius and 2) They might as well add bleach instead of water.
Eroge rule #89: Your character never actually does any cooking or shopping, and subsists on a daily diet of school bread and/or instant ramen (Until a girl starts making you food.)
Eroge rule #90: In Eroge, you have superpowers that often go unmentioned. In particular, you have the ability to control light, like make things invisible or glow. This is to combat your little known foe Mosaic Man and Black Stripe. Unfortunately, all these superpowers apply only to your genitals.
Eroge rule #91: Eroge girls never get their period. They frequently have mood swings, make irrational decisions, and/or get violent, but this is normal. The only way to tell for sure that they're not feeling right, is that they don't want to spend time with you.
Eroge rule #92: Eroge is the only correct source for learning CPR. 1st: Check to see if she's breathing by getting within 2" of her lips. 2nd: Remove her swimsuit completely to aid her breathing. 3rd: Upon administering CPR, 4 heart pumps/1 breath is not correct. It's actually 2 pumps, 2 feeling her breasts, and then finally the breath, which must also involve tongue. 4) Upon her full recovery 4 seconds later, she'll thank you.
Eroge rule #93: There is actually a horror subsection of Eroge that is too frightening to describe. However, if on some occasion you mistake "Bishounen" for a "Bishoujo" Eroge, you will discover the true meaning of horror.
Eroge rule #94: The directions are simple: 1. Put P0n0s A into Vag00 B 2. J-J-Jam it In!!! 3. ???? 4. Profit.
Eroge rule #95: One rule applicable to real life: For the smart girl's path, generally you must first be tutored by her. This is also why in real life, you should never tutor another guy.
Eroge rule #96: There is no yaoi, only yuri.
Eroge rule #97: Eroge characters only go clothes shopping at Warehouse Superstores. This is so they can wear identical clothing day after day for a low low price.
Eroge rule #98: When a girl pulls the sheets off your bed to wake you up, chances are the night before you decided to sleep naked.
Eroge rule #99: It's not uncommon for there to be a unpopular shy girl who wears glasses. This lasts right until the moment she changes to contact lenses, at which point she's suddenly in the race for school idol.
Eroge rule #100: Eroge Girls in Eroge tend to not get into a lot of accidents except for ones that make you carry them afterwards.
Eroge rule #101: Amnesia is known to increase your sex appeal one hundred fold.
Eroge rule #102: If in a Eroge you ever meet the girl that has no memory past 24 hours, at no time will you ever do the logical thing and ask to borrow money.
Eroge rule #103: Anytime any girl is ever described as having "anemia", clinically speaking ... she doesn't.
Eroge rule #104: Whenever for some reason you or a girl is doing laundry, even if you were only washing socks, you will somehow end up with her underwear.
Eroge rule #105: In Eroges, girls will happily remember times in the past you've saved or helped them. No matter the reason. Like finding a matching sock. Even if you caused the sock to be lost in the first place...
Eroge rule #106: In Eroge, occasionally the girl will ask for, or steal a old teeshirt of yours. In Real Life, do not try the opposite and ask for one of her shirts or bra.
Eroge rule #107: When it comes to designing girls in Eroge, artists frequently concentrate on Personality, Talents, Charm and Beauty. But overall, they obey 1 Rule: No fat chicks.
Eroge rule #108: Ethics in Eroge are flexible compared to the real world. You can date your non-blood related sibling(s) or a catgirl. While the sister issue might POSSIBLY come up in the game, no one ever calls you on the Beastiality aspect of the catgirl.
Eroge rule #109: There are several varieties of Eroge out there.. There's the common shy guy/many girls, plot heavy action/adv., strategy, and ones like Sensei and Biko... Or as I like to refer to them, the Evil Bastard type.
Eroge rule #110: Tsunderes will always respond with "oh nothing" or "nevermind".
Eroge rule #111: If a tsundere sounds like she is about to say something, shut the hell up. Asking her what's on her mind will cause her to run away.
Eroge rule #112: Eroge writers use a ritualistic method for naming their Eroge. First, they take a list of names and themes to a local Shinto temple. There, the priest prays over them, and blesses them with holy water. And finally, he attaches them to a dartboard and keeps throwing until a Eroge is successfully named.
Eroge rule #113: In Real Life, if you ask a girl out expecting to get laid, and she turns you down, you "Struck out" Like as in baseball. Eroge has a similar situation, except "striking out" in a Eroge is more like "Striking Out" in Tee-ball.
Eroge rule #114: When you start doing it, whatever you're doing it on will turn into an infinite featureless plane approximating the color of the sheets, unless someone needs something to grab onto as an anchor.
Eroge rule #115: Having sex with a enemy female warrior beforehand will give you an strategic advantage on the next fight.
Eroge rule #116: The Good, the Bad, and The Eroge. The good is that according to Eroge like Rapelay, there is a god. The bad, is that it's not a kind and merciful god. And the Eroge is that he's primarily there to answer a rapist's prayers to see panty shots.
Eroge rule #117: Don't worry, no one will mind the Engrish.
Eroge rule #118: In Eroge, if you first don't succeed at getting laid, don't worry. Time travel is there to help you in these dark, dark times.
Eroge rule #119: In Eroge, if you have previously had a long lost love who died while separated from you... No Worries! You'll both be reborn, she'll be all over you, and you'll have no idea why in particular this particular girl seems easier to get than the rest.
Eroge rule #120: If she doesn't scream and bite, it's called Consensual Sex.
Eroge rule #121: The Eroge Theory of Relativity: This theory states, that often the closer to getting laid your character is, the dumber he gets. This is also known as the Shirou effect.
Eroge rule #122: In the unlikely event in a Eroge of a girl masturbating... Don't worry, your character will see it.
Eroge rule #123: Eroge actually require more fine motor control than a First Person Shooter. After all, which one are you likely to be playing with one hand?
Eroge rule #124: Through years of research in modern medicine, it is discovered that whenever a girl's mood changes, she is somehow not well; therefore, you must always inquire about her health every time she blushes or looks disappointed.
Eroge rule #125: The main choices in a classic eroge are: [1] Screw her right now [2] Screw her after clicking this [3] Screw her before you even clicked this.
Eroge rule #126: The father of any given main character will always own a large house, with no one except the main character to take over. This will allow as many girls as needed to move in, screw him, and without anyone ever being the wiser.
Eroge rule #127: All choices in Eroge lead to sex. Even choosing to be a hikikomori and locking yourself in a apartment or cave will result in a girl breaking in and raping you.
Eroge rule #128: There are two main reasons for a girl to fall in love with a main character. The first: He was sweet enough to give her a hug during childhood, and is now a guaranteed screw in later years. The second: By saying hello it is scientifically proven to instantly shut down a girls ability to think, and therefore... guarantee a screw.
Eroge rule #129: A third way girls fall in love with you in a Eroge, is by after repeatedly raping one, and/or several others, eventually the hate blossoms into love, much like how manure grows flowers.
Eroge rule #130: By sleeping with other women in a eroge, a character will gain no hate from her... instead being caught with lead to a threesome. Any anger will be directed at the other girl through multiple orgasms, and whips.
Eroge rule #131: In Eroge, whenever you blackout or faint, you'll wake up in your bed in due time. You can never remember how you ended up there, but you can always count on some sort of dream that recalls the distant past or foresees the near future right before you wake up.
Eroge rule #132: TypeMoon games all have all perfectly logical and valid reasons to have sex repeatedly and often. Reasons like "Heat Transfers" and "Mana Transfers". So the next time you hit on a girl, just tell her you want to transfer something.
Eroge rule #133: Eroges are not subject to normal laws of physics. In particular, Eroge characters have the ability to create matter out of nothing, which is why your character is able to create 5 times his body weight in semen in 5 minutes.
Eroge rule #134: Mecha are not as common in Eroge as their are in most other Japanese forms of entertainment. This is because frequently, when offered 20 different input slots, your character takes a while to decide.
Eroge rule #135: You may notice that all Eroge girls - even older ones - All look relatively youthful, with no wrinkles and healthy skin. This is because of the age-defying natural moisturizing power of daily bukkake treatments.
Eroge rule #136: In eroge, everyone has penis envy but you.
Eroge rule #137: If you're in your bed and you don't remember how you ended up there, there's always a girl on your side who has also previously helped you dress into clean clothing.
Eroge rule #138: I think, Therefore I Screw.
Eroge rule #139: The biggest danger in an Eroge isn't getting killed... It's encountering Futanari (hermaphrodites) and not realizing it in time.
Eroge rule #140: Overexposure to Nasu writing may change your opinions on oysters and whether or not it is polite to murder your friends.
Eroge rule #141: At no time is a girl ever capable of climbing a ladder, unless you are close enough to get a panty shot when she does so.
Eroge rule #142: If you want to suppress something/someone, do it in the butt.
Eroge rule #143: Foreplay is a important part in Eroge... Whenever possible, you should expect to spend 5-10 seconds on it.
Eroge rule #144: Resistance only makes your penis harder.
Eroge rule #145: Actually, most main characters are incredibly lame, weak-willed, and boring... so the vast majority of Japanese eroge players can relate to them.
Eroge rule #146: If she's running down the street with toast in her mouth, she wants you. If you always thought she was blood related, but then it turns out she isn't, she wants you. If she wants you dead, she wants you.
Eroge rule #147: If in a Eroge you rape a girl, and afterwards feel guilty, the correct response is to rape her again, except this time gently.
Eroge rule #148: It's extremely common for characters in Eroge to be blood related. Except to you.
Eroge rule #149: In Eroge, most of the time you spend in the Student Council is in a attempt to get into a girl student council member's pants.
Eroge rule #150: In Eroge, there's never a situation where a girl might not randomly decide to screw you. One example is, a girl might stab you, then while you're busy bleeding from a gut wound, she'll mount and rape you.
Eroge rule #151: Every girl is a virgin unless the plot requires otherwise.
Eroge rule #152: Everyone cums at the same time, even in an orgy, unless you're going after an older woman.
Eroge rule #153: Virgin Rule part 2: Just because a girl is married and has children doesn't mean she's not still a virgin. Through magical potions/youth serum/the healing touch of your cock she'll magically regrow her hymen, just in time for you to break it.
Eroge rule #154: Even though succubi's entire existence revolves around killing men who sleep with her, it isn't a problem because they all suck at it.
Eroge rule #155: Other male characters exist for these reasons. 1) Comic Relief, 2) To Rape you if you become a Woman, 3) For you rape if they do, and 4) For you to stop in the process of rape, so you can screw the girl instead.
Eroge rule #156: A girl who has had her virginity taken away due to plot, will never have enjoyed sex until she met you. You are the only one capable of pleasing her.
Eroge rule #157: Eroge is the only thing that explains how magical power actually works. Example: Scenes cut out of Harry Potter are basically what happens during mana transfers in Fate/stay night.
Eroge rule #158: The only one who ever has sex in your family is you. Your mother and/or sister only has sex if it's with you, and your dad, only if you somehow become a woman.
Eroge rule #159: The nurse is always not there or leaves right away when you take a girl to the nurse's office.
Eroge rule #160: Eroge for busy scholars: Veni, vidi, veni.
Eroge rule #161: If there's a beach scene, the loli character always wears sukumizu (school swimsuit). If there's no beach scene, chances are she wears one anyway.
Eroge rule #162: No matter how much of a douche bag the main character is, any major or minor girl character will want to have sex with him. This is known as the Itou Makoto Effect.
Eroge rule #163: Despite being virgins (until you, of course) Shrine Mikos know an incredible amount about sex. This comes from reading all the erotic literature that just happens to always be in the Shrine Library.
Eroge rule #164: It doesn't matter what or how many bad things you have to do... If it leads to a Good End, everything will always turn out just fine for everybody.
Eroge rule #165: Anal sex is just like normal sex, except that the girl calls you an idiot for going in without asking.
Eroge rule #166: Latex Protection: NO MATCHING DEFINITION FOUND
Eroge rule #167: when you get sick, the girl always comes to nurse you.
Eroge rule #168: For some reason, no girl will do you in the same sex position.
Eroge rule #169: The more you lose in life, the better you are in bed, as you will surprisedly discover.
Eroge rule #170: Robots get pregnant. Don't ask.
Eroge rule #171: Robots must obey their programming, until they exceed their design specs by getting lucky. Why this exceeds the specs (since the dev team put the parts there) is unknown.
Eroge rule #172: One reason anal sex is so popular in Eroge: Even if the girl isn't a virgin, with anal sex there's a possibility she'll bleed anyway.
Eroge rule #173: True love knows no age. Rather, true love knows ALL ages.
Eroge rule #174: If you sleep with a girl's mother, you will invariably have a threesome with her and the daughter.
Eroge rule #175: No one is allowed to climax unless they declare that they are going to immediately beforehand. The exception is that sometimes people come when you put it in for no reason.
Eroge rule #176: The Japanese culture is thousands of years old, but they still haven't figured out how to make decent shoes. So frequently a girl's will break, and you'll either fix it, or carry her.
Eroge rule #177: Eroge H-Scenes are like art. And just like Da Vinci, after you finish a artwork, you often end up "signing" your work.
Eroge rule #178: In Eroge, you're not racist. Not only that, you're also not biased by age. Or Species. In fact, you're not even biased against the dead sometimes.
Eroge rule #179: In Eroge, using doors is optional. Many times, someone will instead choose to commonly use a window, or climb up a balcony in order to enter a room.
Eroge rule #180: In Eroge, whether or not you sleep with a girl is largely a matter of probability. For example, take a coin and flip it in the air while calling heads or tails. The probability you sleep with a girl is roughly equal to the probability the coin lands.
Eroge rule #181: It doesn't matter if she can fly, or is an Olympic swimmer. In Eroge, a girl will still get a leg cramp, and suddenly float as well as a concrete brick. Meaning you'll have to save her.
Eroge rule #182: Eroges are well known for being earth friendly. In particular, a girl's bathing suit clasps are all biodegradable - Meaning they'll dissolve and come off long in contact with things like 1) Water or 2) Air.
Eroge rule #183: How to Get a Place for Sex: 1) your osananajimi (childhood friend) faints on streets, your friend watches over her in a hospital tonight; 2) your dorm manager got caught in the zoo; 3) it's too late, and the female dorm is locked; 4) "Stay in my room tonight?" "...Okay..."
