Funny headlines

Apparently, these are actual headlines from different newspapers... some make you wonder whether they did it on purpose or just weren't aware of alternate interpretations...

Midget sues grocer, cites belittling remarks

Funeral Homes Bring Cheer To Senior Citizens

House Republicans are split on whether they're divided

Diana was still alive hours before she died

Porn star sues over rear-end collision

Scott wants head job

Sewage spill kills fish, but water safe to drink

'Sex' teacher gets off

Tight end returns after colon surgery

Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25

Psychics predict world didn't end yesterday

One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers

Homeless man under house arrest

Fish need water, Feds say

Security firm loses Oakland airport

Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons

Student excited dad got head job

Police: Crack Found in Man's Buttocks

Caskets found as workers demolish mausoleum

Alton attorney accidentally sues himself

A-Rod goes deep, Wang hurt

World Bank says poor need more money

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

7-Day Diarrhea Runs Through Bay County

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Barbershop singers bring joy to school for the deaf

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Anthony's Dry Cleaners Has Been Working on the Same Spot for 15 Years!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

One in For Kids Drops Out of High School

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Miracle cure kills fifth patient

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Lawyers back despite use of bug spray

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Berkley Turns Blind Ear to Finance Committee

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Bridges help people cross rivers

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Experts say death by firing squad isn't that bad

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Native American Students Well Endowed

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Cop Makes Arrest in Bathroom After Smelling Crack

Affordable housing too expensive, says councillor

Most doctors agree that breathing regularly is good for you

Senior luncheon will no longer include lunch

Laxatives helps remove earwax

MSI owner denies lying, admits not telling truth

Hospitals resort to hiring doctors

Slowdown continues to accelerate

Cows lose their jobs as milk prices drop

Turkeys, manure pass through the senate

Animal-rights group to hold meeting at steakhouse

Man competent enough to be declared insane

Veterans of the Civil War Seeking New Members

Chicken Manure Is Not Quite The Cure For Chapped Lips

City plan to be more open kept secret

Poverty meeting attracts poor turnout

Warmer weather may make snow disappear

Forecasts call for warmer or cooler weather

Top secret mission to launch Tuesday

East Tennessee aglow over growth in nuclear jobs

Local children are winners at dog show

Use clothing to keep warm in winter

52 foot officers to patrol violent neighborhoods

Worker suffers leg pain after crane drops 800-pound ball on his head

Students Cook & Serve Grandparents

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Missing teen found in Colon

Gas company behind bean supper

New sick policy requires 2-day notice

Volunteerism should be made mandatory

City unsure why sewer smells

Breathing oxygen linked to staying alive

Governor will help people with gas

Total lunar eclipse will be broadcast live on Northwood Public Radio

Pilots with DWIs more likely to crash

Kayaking is hard when the water is frozen

Man with 8 DUIs blames drinking problem

Planes forced to land at airports

Seeing worms after bowel movement bad way to start day

Starvation can lead to health hazards

The bra celebrates a pair of historic milestones this year

One of the best headlines I've seen in a long time, and this one's 100% real, from the biggest newspaper in the country...

The fake Mickey has an open cause over drugs

http://www.sb-innovation.de/attachme...chmentid=19073

More.

From Russia with Gloves

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Korea?

Otter Devastation

Man Accused of Killing Lawyer Receives a New Attorney

Chick Accuses Some of Her Male Colleagues of Sexism

Bugs Flying Around With Wings Are Flying Bugs

Polls Say That 53% Believe Media Offen Make Mistakes

Meat Head Resigns

Thursday is Cancelled

Threat Disrupts Plans to Meet About Threats

Babies Are What The Mother Eats

Journalists Say Voters Hold Key To November Election

Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told

Tiger Woods Plays With Own Balls, Nike Says

Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One

Deer Kill 130,000

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Experts Agree: Al Qaeda Leader is Dead or Alive

Court Rejects Fartillizer Plant's Tax Appeal 2-1

Sister Hits Moose On Way to Visit Sister Who Hit Moose

Missippi's Literacy Program Shows Improvement

School Boards Need to Make Decisions Based on Intellegance, Not Emotion

Illiteracy An Obstable, Study Finds

Want to Spell Like a Champ? Read Wenster's Dictionary

Demorats' Plan Boosts Funding For Education

Library Marks "Teen Reed Week"

How To Make Communicate More Effectively

Cops Arrest White Woman on Warrant For Black Man

Woman Missing Since She Got Lost

Children Living Without Limbs Lack Support

17 Remain Dead in Morgue Shooting Spree

Marijuana Issue Send to a Joint Committee

School Testing Mushrooms

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Condom Truck Tips, Spills Load

Sex Offenders Pitch Tents

Seahorse Farm Now Offers Riding Lessons

Man Tries Armed Robbery With Knife In Gun Store

Royals To Get A Taste of Angels' Colon

Arsenic In City Water Nothing To Worry About

Study Shows Frequent Sex Enhances Pregnancy Chances

At-Risk Funding At Risk

Police Arrest Everyone on February 22

Young Amputee Returns to Ethiopia Armed For Independence

Hooker Named Lay Person of the Year

Sixers Tie It Up Again As Series Shits To Boston

Utah Poison Control Center Reminds Everyone Not To Take Poison

Rutland's Mayor Takes Close Look At Nude Dancing

Prisoner serving 2,000-year sentence could face more time

Nudists fight erection of towers near Wreck Beach

Parents keep kids home to protest school closure

Drunk drivers fail blow job test

Researchers: Overeating can set stage for obesity