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Thread: Funny headlines

  1. #1
    Moderator anon's Avatar
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    Funny headlines

    Apparently, these are actual headlines from different newspapers... some make you wonder whether they did it on purpose or just weren't aware of alternate interpretations...

    Midget sues grocer, cites belittling remarks

    Funeral Homes Bring Cheer To Senior Citizens

    House Republicans are split on whether they're divided

    Diana was still alive hours before she died

    Porn star sues over rear-end collision

    Scott wants head job

    Sewage spill kills fish, but water safe to drink

    'Sex' teacher gets off

    Tight end returns after colon surgery

    Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25

    Psychics predict world didn't end yesterday

    One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers

    Homeless man under house arrest

    Fish need water, Feds say

    Security firm loses Oakland airport

    Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons

    Student excited dad got head job

    Police: Crack Found in Man's Buttocks

    Caskets found as workers demolish mausoleum

    Alton attorney accidentally sues himself

    A-Rod goes deep, Wang hurt

    World Bank says poor need more money

    Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

    7-Day Diarrhea Runs Through Bay County

    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

    Barbershop singers bring joy to school for the deaf

    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

    Miners Refuse to Work after Death

    Anthony's Dry Cleaners Has Been Working on the Same Spot for 15 Years!

    Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

    One in For Kids Drops Out of High School

    War Dims Hope for Peace

    If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

    Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

    Miracle cure kills fifth patient

    Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

    Lawyers back despite use of bug spray

    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

    Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

    New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

    Berkley Turns Blind Ear to Finance Committee

    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

    Bridges help people cross rivers

    Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

    Experts say death by firing squad isn't that bad

    Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

    Native American Students Well Endowed

    Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

    Cop Makes Arrest in Bathroom After Smelling Crack

    Affordable housing too expensive, says councillor

    Most doctors agree that breathing regularly is good for you

    Senior luncheon will no longer include lunch

    Laxatives helps remove earwax

    MSI owner denies lying, admits not telling truth

    Hospitals resort to hiring doctors

    Slowdown continues to accelerate

    Cows lose their jobs as milk prices drop

    Turkeys, manure pass through the senate

    Animal-rights group to hold meeting at steakhouse

    Man competent enough to be declared insane

    Veterans of the Civil War Seeking New Members

    Chicken Manure Is Not Quite The Cure For Chapped Lips

    City plan to be more open kept secret

    Poverty meeting attracts poor turnout

    Warmer weather may make snow disappear

    Forecasts call for warmer or cooler weather

    Top secret mission to launch Tuesday

    East Tennessee aglow over growth in nuclear jobs

    Local children are winners at dog show

    Use clothing to keep warm in winter

    52 foot officers to patrol violent neighborhoods

    Worker suffers leg pain after crane drops 800-pound ball on his head

    Students Cook & Serve Grandparents

    Homicide victims rarely talk to police

    Missing teen found in Colon

    Gas company behind bean supper

    New sick policy requires 2-day notice

    Volunteerism should be made mandatory

    City unsure why sewer smells

    Breathing oxygen linked to staying alive

    Governor will help people with gas

    Total lunar eclipse will be broadcast live on Northwood Public Radio

    Pilots with DWIs more likely to crash

    Kayaking is hard when the water is frozen

    Man with 8 DUIs blames drinking problem

    Planes forced to land at airports

    Seeing worms after bowel movement bad way to start day

    Starvation can lead to health hazards

    The bra celebrates a pair of historic milestones this year
    "Come visit sometime, okay? We'll always be here for you. We... we all love you."
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  2. Who Said Thanks:

    pleasenocheating (18.08.18) , cloud99 (14.08.18)

  3. #2
    Moderator anon's Avatar
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    One of the best headlines I've seen in a long time, and this one's 100% real, from the biggest newspaper in the country...

    The fake Mickey has an open cause over drugs

    "Come visit sometime, okay? We'll always be here for you. We... we all love you."
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