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Thread: Actual product instructions

  1. #1
    Moderator anon's Avatar
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    Actual product instructions

    ACTUAL PRODUCT INSTRUCTIONS:

    ON A HAIRDRYER:
    *Do not use while sleeping.

    ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
    *You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

    ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
    *Directions: Use like regular soap.

    FROZEN DINNER SERVING SUGGESTION:
    *Defrost.

    ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX:
    *Fits one head.

    ON TESCO'S TIRIMISU DESERT:
    *Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

    ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
    *Product will be hot after heating.

    ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
    *Do not Iron clothes on body.

    ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE:
    *Do not drive car or operate machinery.

    ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
    *Warning: May cause drowsiness.

    ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
    *Warning: Keep out of children.

    ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
    *For indoor or outdoor use only.

    ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
    *Not to be used for the other use.

    ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS:
    *Warning: contains nuts

    ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:
    *Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

    ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:
    *Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
    Source
    "That door is open. What do you want to do with your key?" -- ADOM 1.1.1
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  2. Who Said Thanks:

    kazuya (26.04.09) , Se7Ven (26.04.09) , Kyllyee (26.04.09) , KalPenn (18.04.09)

  3. #2

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    Silly instructions the chinese lights made me lol
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  4. #3

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    Thank you for this. I was in a laughing fit for a while because of this:

    ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:
    *Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
    Who knew people didn't know how to eat nuts.
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  5. #4
    Moderator anon's Avatar
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    Who knew people didn't know how to eat nuts.
    And it still doesn't tell you how to eat them anyway.
    "That door is open. What do you want to do with your key?" -- ADOM 1.1.1
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  6. #5
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    I got a whole bunch of questions now:

    When I buy Dial Soap, how do I use it if I've never used any other 'regular soap' before??

    Also, when in the grocery isle and I see a bag of Fritos and it says that there's a contest of some sort and I don't want to buy the bag, does it mean that I can just tear every single bag open, look inside for the details and some contest code and enter what-ever contest it's about??


    No seriously now....you know I think that companies must think that their consumers are rock hard stupid. I mean dehydrated rock hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know.
    "God, from the mount Sinai
    whose grey top shall tremble,
    He descending, will Himself,
    in thunder, lightning, and loud trumpet’s sound,
    ordain them laws".


    John Milton (1608-1674) in Paradise Lost


    Ripley's SealLion's Believe it or Not! ~ NASCAR car crashes and Windows have just one thing in common.
    Oh, oh. Better use LINUX.
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  7. #6
    Moderator anon's Avatar
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    No seriously now....you know I think that companies must think that their consumers are rock hard stupid. I mean dehydrated rock hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know.
    You never know... there's people for everything
    "That door is open. What do you want to do with your key?" -- ADOM 1.1.1
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    'for indoor or outdoor use only' maybe they dont want u to be using it half in half out
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  9. #8
    Moderator anon's Avatar
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    Interesting theory...
    "That door is open. What do you want to do with your key?" -- ADOM 1.1.1
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  10. #9
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    you know I had to go back to this thread and re-read some of the silly instructions and I was reading this:

    ON TESCO'S TIRIMISU DESERT:
    *Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
    I LOL'd at that one. I was imagining some person turning the cake actually upside down and seeing what's printed on the bottom and 'whooops', OH-uh. .....look what I did?' Dummy!!!

    LOL. That's kind of funny actually.

    Actually, it'd be more funny that the cake would come out of it's plastic packaging and make a splash on the person's head. KInd of like some new head-wear or something.
    Last edited by SealLion; 28.04.09 at 06:29.
    "God, from the mount Sinai
    whose grey top shall tremble,
    He descending, will Himself,
    in thunder, lightning, and loud trumpet’s sound,
    ordain them laws".


    John Milton (1608-1674) in Paradise Lost


    Ripley's SealLion's Believe it or Not! ~ NASCAR car crashes and Windows have just one thing in common.
    Oh, oh. Better use LINUX.
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  11. #10
    Moderator anon's Avatar
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    I LOL'd at that one. I was imagining some person turning the cake actually upside down and seeing what's printed on the bottom and 'whooops', OH-uh. .....look what I did?' Dummy!!!
    If you raise the cake (!) above you you could see its bottom without turning it upside down.
    "That door is open. What do you want to do with your key?" -- ADOM 1.1.1
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